


and i held you in my arms

by peachilized



Category: Fruits Basket
Genre: F/M, big spoon tohru, i wrote this 4ever ago, that’s it that’s the whole fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:29:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25605121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachilized/pseuds/peachilized
Summary: i wrote this a while ago and it’s just been sitting in my notes so i thought i’d post it. enjoy :]
Relationships: Kyo Sohma/Tohru Honda, kyoru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 44





	and i held you in my arms

It was rare for Kyo to fall asleep before Tohru. He was always the type to wait for her to drift off before letting himself do the same. He wanted to protect her. He yearned for it, even. To protect the person he loved and cherished more than he thought he could ever love someone. He wanted to hold her, protect her from bad memories manifested into nightmares. He wanted to hold her to prevent any bad thoughts from creeping up her neck and into her brain. More than anything, he wanted her to be happy, and by being the big spoon, he was doing just that. Shielding her. But sometimes, Kyo would come home exhausted. A quick shower and a change of clothes was all it toke before he passed out in the middle of the mattress, curled up like a sleeping kitten. Some things never change after all. 

In those moments, after Tohru knew he was asleep, she would look at the boy she fell in love with. Vulnerable. It was rare for him to fall asleep first, but even more so to see him in such a way. It was so subtle, the things that gave him away, but she caught them. She always did. The slightly furrowed brows, face barely twisted into an expression of fear or sadness or just general discomfort. How he’d curl even further in on himself, trying to protect himself from something Tohru could never see, or even dream of. In those moments, she would climb into bed with him. She too, wanted to protect the thing closest to her. So she would be the shield. The big spoon. Curling around his shape, slinging an arm over his torso and meeting his hand with hers, running her thumb over his knuckles slowly and gently. Almost instantly, he would relax, letting his spine uncurl, unclenching his fists, allowing himself to be vulnerable by his own will.

Of course, his bad memories and thoughts never go away completely, just like hers never disappear completely. But just for one night, even if it’s just for a single night, Tohru wants him to feel protected. As he holds her, she wants to hold him, make him feel as though nothing bad could ever happen to him, not anymore. Even though she knows that’s not how it works, she wants him to feel it. The warmth. The protection. The shelter. Things that he lacked in his life for too long. A boy such as this, so unaccustomed to simple things like I love yous and kisses. A boy so worn by a bad father, a missing mother, and so much hatred with nowhere to properly direct it. A boy overwhelmed with guilt over an accident that wasn’t his fault. A guilt so strong that he felt as though he wasn’t deserving of love, especially the kind that came from Tohru. A kind of love that scared him at first, as it seemed too good to ever be true, especially for him. But it was. True as day, she woke up at his side, saying good morning and wrapping her arms around him. He nearly cried every morning, thinking he didn’t deserve it. For a while he thought he didn’t deserve Tohru herself, but Tohru caught sight of that too, and told him the exact opposite of what he was thinking. He deserved it. Yes, he’s made mistakes, as all children do, but that didn’t mean he didn’t deserve forgiveness and love. He truly was deserving of it. In truth, he needed it. He needed her. More than oxygen even, he needed her words, her touch, her hands in his.

For so long Kyo thought nobody would ever love him. He thought he would never get to kiss someone, let alone hold hands. But now those small things are his normal. Even after a year, it’s still hard for him to believe. So in these moments, when Tohru gets to hold him for a change, in her small movements so as not to wake him, she speaks. Not with her voice, but her heart. _You deserve this. You deserve to be loved and protected. You deserve happiness after all this time. Don’t be scared. Don’t be ashamed of feeling this way. I know you can’t escape memories. I know you’re still in so much pain, even after all this time. But I want you to know that I love you. That I cherish you. Every moment with you is a gift that I treasure deep within my heart. I love you, more than I could ever try to explain. And I want us to stay together. I want us to stay together and for you to be happy. I know I’m wishing for something that may be impossible...but I want you to know that you deserve happiness, and all the love both me and the world has to offer._

____

____

Above all, both wish to protect one another. Tohru wants to act as a shield to him, protect him from his bad memories and thoughts, because boys like Kyo need to be protected. And Tohru will do or say anything until Kyo believes that.

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this a while ago and it’s just been sitting in my notes so i thought i’d post it. enjoy :]


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